kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep

Monday, June 05, 2006

It's been a little over two weeks since I've talked to him. A part of me is very glad over this, because it's a way for me to stop being who he wants me to be, and start being who I am. But, then I do miss him. He offered security and comfort to me in some strange way that I really can't explain. No matter what though, whether he talks to me again or not, I know that if we see each other this summer, I'm not going to do anything I don't want to do. I can't feel as low as I did before. I mean, even my ex never made me feel that bad..at least I know he did somewhat care about me while we were together. This guy...I don't know how much he cares about me. But I do know that I don't love him, that it's just infatuation. And I can't keep doing things I'm not really comfortable with or ready for with someone I don't love. So I guess it is a good thing he hasn't talked to me. Maybe he's moved on to the next girl. But if I'm wrong and he does talk to me again, well...I've made my decision. And contary to the past, it's going to be quite difficult for him to change my mind.

Signed in Blood at
5:30 PM