kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep

Thursday, July 13, 2006

So here's the situation: I've had a crush on Brit for going on 2 years now. I asked him to Sadie our senior year of high school...it was fun despite some events. He came to my graduation party..it was amazing (especially the beautiful bracelet he gave me). After that...I didn't hear from him all summer, until like, September (when I was already in NM) & we talked for like, 3 hours...then a few weeks later he talked me into auditioning for a musical..and it seemd like things were going great. But then...I had to be a bitch and over spring break, while supposedly on a date with him, I ended up completley flirting with this other guy, which I know hurt and pissed him off. At the time, I didn't care. I really didn't expect to see him again for a while, but then Jessica invited him to come to Red Star with us the last friday I was in Houston this summer (like 2 weeks ago). I was dancing with him, and everything seemed to be great. He invited me to go to Agora Cafe after the club....then this dude (Chase) came into the picture. Brit was the one who told me I should dance with him, because he could tell that Chase really wanted to dance with me. So I did. Not knowing I would end up making out with Chase right in front of Brit. I mean, I wasn't actually on a date with Brit at the time, but even Christine noticed the way Brit was looking at me and dancing with me, & could tell that he definitely has feelings for me, but just won't admit it. but yeah..this was way worse than flirting with another guy. I mean..this dude was a complete stranger. Anyway, when we were leaving, Brit didn't even say bye to me, and didn't even mention going anywhere else like he had talked about earlier. So I really hurt him this time. And again, at the time, I didn't care. But the more I think about it, the more I feel guilty for how I've treated him. And I want to talk to him about it, I really do. But I think he's avoiding me. And of course I have no idea what to say to him anyway...but I need to figure it out. I mean, Chase seems to be an amazing guy. He really does. But I don't know him that well. I've known Brit a while..and there's just something about him I've always liked. No idea what it is..but there's just something there. *sigh* any suggestions?

Signed in Blood at
10:47 PM